::: Coffee Break :::

[Tuesday, February 22, 2005]

Long distance relationship: one common phrase that I had became so familiar with. There ain't an easy way in relationship and long distance makes it even more complicated. Relationship involved two different people with full of differences. Even when we're together, it does not always run smoothly. And when there are distances involved, it seems to be more problematical. Some takes it easy, some takes it difficult, and some seems indifference.

Technological innovations might make it a lot easier now. By internet and telephone we can communicate with the one we love, listening to their voice, and looking at their faces by means of daily or even hours. Technology does help to facilitate, it support the maintenance of relationship. But you have to put in mind that each party in the relationship is in the different phase of their lives now: surrounding by different conditions, facing different problems, and having different emotional paths. Communications that used to be so easy are now become intricate to do. Physical togetherness that was seemed not important is now become necessary. Daily calls, daily report, and many questions about our daily activities that once were very pleasant are now sometimes annoying.

The biggest fear in long distance relationship is to lose the one we love. We suspect that distance may change everything, includes feeling. Whereas if we look at the other way around, we can lose the one we love even though if there is no distance involved. Relationship could end anyhow if it has to end. So why bother to fuss about the distance lies in between that in the end may create certain behavior that makes our biggest fear are likely to happen?

The fear of losing someone could make us to pull off and keep a distance to anticipate the break up. We hope we would not hurt too much when it does happen. We do not realize that it would likely to push up the relationship into the end. We'd rather choose to break up than being broken up. We'd rather to hurt ourselves than being hurt. We'd rather put some safe-guard to our heart than let it open and see what good it may bring. We choose put some nutshell to protect our own heart without realizing that it would indeed hurt the one we love. Then when the breaks up do happen, we simply put the blame on the long distance rather than blaming ourselves that choose to break hearts.

The fear of losing someone could also make us to pull-on as many strings-attached as possible to the one we love. We want to control their life, we want to be always part of their life, and we want to suck up as many of their time as possible. We feel jealous if the one we love seems to have a good time while we're here thinking about them restlessly. We feel abandoned when they seems busy with their new life while weire here missing them massively. We feel angry when things seem to be repeated continuously. We feel disappointed when things seems not as we expected. We do not realize that we hurt the one we love by treating them this way. We do not realize that instead of pulling them close to us, it would pull off them further. Then the breaks up would likely to happen as well. And here the blame would goes on the long distance in addition to our partner for not having enough time to fulfill our demands rather than blame ourselves for asking too much and choose to break her wings.

Long distance relationship is the most crucial way of testing a relationship. Some may fail, but many others may prevail. For those who fails, there is no need to be ashamed of. You may not meant to be together, and it is so much better to find out earlier rather than later. And for those who prevail, be proud of yourselves because your relationship has proven to be strong enough to pass the hardest test ever exist. There is only a thin line between love, care, obsession, and possessiveness. Long distance relationship is the best way to figure out and define what it is. Trust and understanding is the key.

Just remember, it is no longer love if we don't want to see the one we love to be happy. It is no longer love if we want to see the one we love to suffer. Love is about giving happiness to others especially to the one we love. Love is about trusting the one you love with all your heart and soul no matter what they do. Love is about understanding and accepting them for whatever they are. Love is about be right there whenever you need me, not about be right here whenever I need you. Call me a dreamer, call me an utopian, but aren't we all?

* Posted by 3k4 @ 7:09 AM *
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[Wednesday, February 16, 2005]

Girls and shopping: two words that seems inseparable recently. Those two words seem related or based on my own experience it does related somehow. Girls love shopping and shops also seem created for girls with attractive display, friendly shopkeeper, and goodies that mainly mean for girls. In the other hand, the publishing of these books seems to justify the relationship even further. In fact, the book has created some new type of lifestyle for most women/girls who are now proudly claimed themselves as a shopaholic. But is it true that we're a shopaholic just because we like to buy things and shopping around? And is it right if being a shopaholic is something that we could proud of?

Shopaholics are compulsive shoppers who suffer from uncontrolled overspending. True shopaholic would always love to go shopping when they're feeling depressed even though they are in debts. They would spend a lot of money on the things that they do not need. They get a rush in making purchase but "crashed" soon afterwards. They have closets full of clothes that never worn and countless gadget that never been used. They often feel reckless and out of control when they shop around. They lie to their friends and family about how much money they spend. They feel emotionally upset and disturbed about their own shopping habits. After some big shopping trips, they sometimes feel disoriented and depressed. And the shopping behavior has caused problems in their personal relationship in one way or another. This true shopaholic shops out of compulsion. They use spending as a coping mechanism of their emotional distraction. They do not shop because they merely enjoy it, or because they are purchasing things that they have a need for. They buy things because they feel they HAVE TO. A truly shopaholic is out of control. (Taken from the Pagewise)

Therefore if you love to buy things that you like but you still can manage to control your spending and behavior, then you're not a shopaholic. If you can't resist the temptation of sales season and start to buy things compulsively but still can manage to resist spend your money to buy something that off your limit, then you're not a shopaholic. If you buy things that you do not need but still can manage to use your own money and never feel guilty about it, then you're not a shopaholic. If you like to shopping around to cope with your emotional distress and depression but still can manage to shop beyond your own financial ability and do not put any harm to others, then you're not a shopaholic. Self control is the key. It is the only thing that separate someone who love to shop and truly shopaholic. Shopping is always fun to do, thus when you no longer feel the pleasure from doing it then you may start to worry if you probably one of those shopaholic. And last but not least, being a shopaholic is not something that we could proud about. It was the reflection of loosely or in an off-handed manner, and lack of self-control. So be careful to claim yourself as a shopaholic.

If you wonder whether you're some kind of shopaholic or not, try on this simple quiz to find out what kind of shopper you are. I don't think there is any deep scientific basis behind the making of this quiz. But go ahead and have a try to fulfill your curiousity and merely to have fun ;)

* Posted by 3k4 @ 5:58 AM *
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[Monday, February 14, 2005]

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !!!

Today is the February 14th, which more familiar as the celebration day of love - the Valentine's Day, and the whole month as the moment of romance. What is exactly Valentine? Why everybody celebrate it as the symbol of love?

Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men as his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl who may have been his jailor's daughter and visited him regularly during his confinement. He wrote her a letter before his death, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today.

While some believe that Valentine's Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine's death or burial, which probably occurred around 270 A.D, others claim that the Christian church may have decided to celebrate Valentine's feast day in the middle of February in an effort to 'christianize' celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia festival.

In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Houses were ritually cleansed by sweeping them out and then sprinkling salt and a type of wheat called spelt throughout their interiors. Lupercalia, which began at the ides of February, February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus. The festival would ended at all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine's Day around 498 A.D. The Roman 'lottery' system for romantic pairing was deemed un-Christian and outlawed.

Later, during the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds' mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of February -- Valentine's Day -- should be a day for romance. In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century. By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year.

(Taken from The History Channel)

Whatever lies behind the celebration of Valentine's Day, the celebrations in the name of love and romance are not a bad thing at all. What flaws is when the celebrations are no longer pure based on love but mainly driven by the modern life style and as a result of some marketing strategy. The celebration of Valentine's Day nowadays seems to be more perceived as the capitalization of love to support the consumerism culture instead of romance. Love on Valentine's Day seems have to be expressed by gifts, cards, dinner, etc. which everything leads to some consumerism. Whereas love is something that can be expressed modestly by simple cares not expensive gifts, by sincere words not poshy cards, and by togetherness not exquisite dinner. Love is a good thing and the celebrations should not be limited into just one day. Love is something that worth to celebrate for everyday in our life.

* Posted by 3k4 @ 10:07 PM *
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[Wednesday, February 09, 2005]

Being Twenty-Something: they call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing it as well and not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but they just as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you and wondering why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. Random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

(Another inspiring email from my archives)

* Posted by 3k4 @ 4:32 PM *
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To My Friends Who Are .......... SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.
But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it.
Love can make you happy but often it hurts
Love is only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it.
So take your time and choose the best.

To My Friends Who Are .......... NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person".
It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

To My Friends Who Are.......... NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and ready to get hurt but never keep the pain.

To My Friends Who Are.......... PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say "I love you" if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart. Never look in the eye when all you do is lie.
The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways.

To My Friends Who Are.......... AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

To My Friends Who Are.......... HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go.
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

To My Friends Who Are.......... POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

To My Friends Who Are.......... ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

To My Friends Who Are.......... MARRIED
Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry"
It's not about "where are you", but "I'm right here"
It's not about "how could you", but "I understand"
It's not about not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful that you are".

To My Friends Who Are.......... STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you met someone and fell in love only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now.
Just let go....

(Checking on my archives and found this lovely email from one friend of mine who is no longer single and so fall in love right now)

* Posted by 3k4 @ 4:06 PM *
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[Sunday, February 06, 2005]

Hello everybody,

Welcome to our blog together. Although each of us has our own blog, we felt that it might be interesting to have one that we can share with. Our own blog is the reflection of our daily activities, current feelings, personal thoughts, and stuffs that more like the personal journal for ourselves. But this blog is something that we provide to share information, thoughts, and stuff that come up from our minds but do not necessary reflects us personally.

This blog is called as "coffe break" and titled a "coffe talk". Why is it so? Because coffee break is some time that everybody would looking forward to. No matter whether we are the office, class, seminar, workshop, meeting, etc, it is a little amount of time that we spend in our busy daily activities and we enjoy so much. It is the time to mingle and do our social life, which filled with a chit-chat, some light conversation about anything that we refer as a coffee talk. And that is how we put the purpose for our blog. This blog would be our place to pour any information or any thoughts about anything that glanced in our mind and worth to share.
Please take a cup of coffee and enjoy ^_^

* Posted by 3k4 @ 9:27 PM *
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